“Does where you are from, your cultural background, or your family affect the way you see yourself and the world?”

In this blog post, I am excited to collaborate with Frances Perez, who will be writing a few upcoming posts. She will be sharing about experiences as a counselor in training, as well as her specialty interests. She is currently spending time with my practice to learn more about the counseling field. Welcome Frances!

“Respond to every call that excites your spirit.”
―Rumi

Stuckness. It’s one of the most common concerns my clients come to me with. My clients often describe battling a problem on their own for years before coming to see me. The tipping point that brings people into counseling is feeling stuck and overwhelmed. Sometimes we get bound up by insecurity, frustration, and weariness with taming life’s problems. Stuckness can feel like not knowing the answer to a complicated problem, or not having the tools you need to get something done. When was the last time you felt stuck?

Don't lose out on one of your most important resources - vacation

At my last position, I was happy to have good vacation benefits. I earned about 3 weeks, and during my last few years there, I took everyday. During my first year however, I certainly didn't use all my days. I felt I needed to work my way up and prove myself. It was too easy to fall into the trap of staying later than everyone else, finishing paperwork slower than my grandmother typing with one finger. A lot of people in my office ‘cashed-in’ vacation days at the end of the year, or lost them.

I am honored to be featured in August 2016 Counseling Today magazine

In the article, I was able to share my experience and development as a counselor, as well as talk about my current roles with RIT and private practice. Contributing to the American Counseling Association as part of their blog, being involved with Counseling Today and part of my local chapter of New York Mental Health Counselor’s Association are just some of the things I do to stay involved in my community.

Watch this video I made to share skills for summer self-care and read this blog post to think abour your self-care plan this summer!

Summer is a great time to practice self-care and get into a new self-care routine. We often have more flexible time, and getting outside is easier. Many of us taking a break from classes, have more vacation time, or are getting the most out of longer, sunnier days.

Part of my responsibility as a therapist is to stay up-to-date about therapy techniques, community needs, and approaches that might help my clients. I am often asked to review books and materials my colleagues write.

I chose to review the book by Keith Wilson, Constructive conflict: Building something good out of all those arguments. This book is great for therapists to use with their clients, and for anyone looking for clear strategies about how to improve communication during conflict.

I promise this isn’t your average therapist spiel. You know, the one about how all your issues relate back to your mother. That’s too simple.

Nor will I insist you’re forever doomed to repeat unhealthy behaviors you learned in your family. That’s fatalistic. Again, not my style. I do want to explore how early-learned communication styles have an impact on our relationships. Our effectiveness in getting what we need from people can be influenced by what we learn to expect.

As a teenager, I thought structure was something imposed by school, parents and clocks. The words ‘routine’ and ‘structure’ vaguely irritated me. I preferred spontaneity, freedom and maybe a little chaos. Although I wouldn't admit the fact, structure was something I needed.

Little did I know, structure could also be created by me. In fact, I didn't realize how much I looked forward to routines. I kept every Friday night for painting and art work. Summer mornings for hiking and reading. I benefited from routines early on and later learned structuring my time wasn’t such a bad thing. Many people might find the word routine to mean literally ‘boring’. Others may feel turned off because setting routines feels unrealistic in their lives. There is no magic formula for organization, and many people who lack routine are indeed successful. I do however, notice a connection between people who know how to enjoy routines and those who make peace with the demands of everyday life.

We live in a culture that marginalizes men's sadness. Working with men in counseling, I find my clients often have no place to go to feel safe expressing their emotions.

By the time some men reach my office, they've been holding onto sorrow for years, running from it and drowning it out with alcohol, drugs or anger. A recentNew York Times article mentioned methods for Teaching Men to Be Emotionally Honest and reinforced how men have few socially acceptable ways and outlets to express emotion, leading to increased and disproportionately high rates of suicide, drug problems and violence; as well as over-dependence on romantic relationships to feel safe and understood.

Being genuine, sensitive and comfortable communicating a range of emotions may make all the difference for clients as they manage life transitions, maintain healthy relationships, and work to succeed in organizational teams.

My client walks into the session, thudding her heavy backpack on the floor next to the therapy chair. She shifts uncomfortably, not really knowing where to start today. Like many students at the technology institute where I do much of my work, emotion words are like a foreign tongue. Most of her week is spent memorizing, strategizing, engineering and calculating. And now I’m asking her to tell me how she’s feeling.

I begin to ask her to recall the emotions that were felt in the body this week: the tears welling up during class that never spilled over. An anxious, bouncing knee concealed beneath the table. A weighted sign, letting tension go, as conflict played out during a meeting. She’s not used to expressing the depth of her emotions because much of the time, she ignores, distracts, or invalidates her own gut. This might sound like the story of one student, but it could really be any student’s experience. Many of the young adults I work with are learning how to work through emotions and attend to others in a way that feels productive to them.

I’m very proud that I will be sharing my ideas as a blogger for the American Counseling Association (ACA)! You can find a weekly blog post from me on their website. Here is one of the posts.

Ever have a great massage? The way I feel after a massage-whew! My body feels at peace, restored. The trouble is after a massage, no matter how relaxed my body feels, if my mind isn't the same, it's hard for that feeling to last. I’ve been known to say that fancy spas should hire mental health counselors.

Sometimes at the end of my day in my counseling office, I like to think I’ve given people a soul massage - the role of talk therapy is like a restoring, healing massage for the soul. Healing moments happen when a therapist is truly listening, caring about you and believing what you are saying - one painful knot at a time. We are working out the pain together.

I made a video to share some of my ideas about self-care, and to encourage you to get thinking about your own plan for maintaining self-care.

What is a self-care plan?

A self-care plan lists out, or provides guidance and tools to keep self-care a priority during time of stress. A self-care routine can be used as a regular practice to help manage stress.

A few things to keep in mind about how to practice self care:

Setting goals you won’t keep isn’t just a waste of time- it can create cycles of guilt, inaction and avoidance that can worsen the problem you carefully set to work through!

Many of us engage in self-reflection over the holidays. At the Thanksgiving table, we share our gratitude with family and friends. December’s shopping and gifting may have you contributing to your favorite causes and giving back to the community. On New Year’s Day, we set goals for the year and think about how we want to grow and change. Whether you consult a therapist or work through your goals solo, knowing key ingredients for following through on goals might help.

If you are wondering what the letters after a mental health care provider’s name mean, you are not alone.

If you are new to therapy, you might notice that providers have different credentials. Since mental health care is available in the Rochester NY community through different kinds of providers, a good first step is to do your research to find a provider who will address your specific needs, with whom you feel comfortable, and who will be financially affordable.

If you are new to therapy, you might notice that providers have different credentials. Since mental health care is available in the Rochester NY community through different kinds of providers, a good first step is to do your research to find a provider who will address your specific needs, with whom you feel comfortable, and who will be financially affordable.

Counseling is sometimes called “talk therapy”, which really get’s to the heart of what it is-Talking!

Although I sometimes guide my clients with practical techniques and specific strategies to solve problems, most of our sessions will be spent talking through your needs and goals.

A good place to start in therapy is to allow yourself to open up, share what’s on your mind and let the therapist hear what’s happening in your life. You’ll be surprised with how far and where you can go. Great therapists are experts in getting people to ‘go there’ and focus on what’s most meaningful.

When friends find out I am a therapist, I hear all sorts of questions and experiences. Some of the most common experiences people tell me about are stories of therapy gone wrong. Invariably I hear experiences of wasted time, frustrations about ‘weird’ therapists and therapists that didn’t work out. One of the first conversations I have with new clients focuses on previous experiences in treatment- what worked and didn’t work. If you are trying counseling for the first time, it’s important to talk about your expectations of therapy-what you hope for and what you think will work. One of my colleagues, Scott Miller, has dedicated his life’s work to studying what is effective in therapy and how the relationship with your therapist can be one of the most healing aspects of treatment. I’ll outline some of important aspects of “good therapy’ from his research findings and talk about some of my real life experiences guiding clients to wellness, focusing on ways to get the most out of therapy.